True Woman Tuesday - Week 10

Welcome to Week 10 of the True Woman Makeover hosted by my cousin Tammi at Valleygirl. Check out her blog for her thoughts, as well as those of others doing this study with us. I can't believe this is the last week of this study! I've really enjoyed it, and I hope Tammi hosts another one of these again soon :) I know I'm late getting this up, but here goes...

Lesson 28 is titled Sound Thinking which can only come as a result of having sound doctrine, which will in turn result in sound living.

Sophron means sensible, self-controlled, sound mind.

She lists a whole bunch of qualities of a woman who is not sophron. Such a woman is impulsive, lacks discretion, follows worldly philosophies, is driven by her flesh, lacks follow-through, is self-centered, is discontented, has emotions controlled by circumstances, seeks escapism from problems , is easily provoked, falls apart in a crisis, easily loses hope, says whatever she thinks without thinking first, is highly opinionated, speaks roughly with profane or crass talk, is overly concerned about what other people think, has unpredictable behavior, is morally careless, procrastinates, is given to extremes, is a pleasure seeker, is easily distracted, yields easily to temptation,struggles to develop consistent life disciplines, enjoys mindless entertainment, looks for the easy way out, thinks about the short-term rather than the long-term, is demanding, fritters away time, makes decisions based on what is easiest.

I don't know about you but I know I would qualify for several of those bad qualities (thankfully not all of them!), at least some of the time.

She then lists qualities of a woman who is sophron. Such a woman is restrained in: her thoughts, her tongue, her eating, her spending, her reactions, she is calm under pressure, is purposeful in the use of her time, is a good steward, is morally chaste, has a well-ordered life, show good judgment, doesn't "lose it" under pressure, responds in faith versus fear, guards her heart and mind, evaluates what she reads or hears in light of Scripture, is mentally disciplined, resists temptation, shows delayed gratification, demonstrates others-centered living, is diligent and faithful in her responsibilities, is intentional, is modest in dress and behavior, hopes in God, gives thanks in all things, makes wise, biblical decisions, prays, demonstrates the Spirit controlling her flesh.

I was very thankful to realize that several of these good qualities also describe me, at least some of the time.

Two things are key to realize here I think.

First is the last quality she mentions - demonstrating the Spirit controlling her flesh. That is key. Giving up our control to the Spirit's control. Saying "not my will done, but Your will be done". Admitting we can't change ourselves. Admitting we need God. Giving Him control of every area of our lives.

The second is to admit that this is a process. In this life on this earth we will never demonstrate those good qualities all the time. But that doesn't mean we stop striving to live a pure life. We "press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Phil 3:14

This idea transitions nicely into Lesson 29 which is The Beauty of Holiness.

Christian purity stands in stark contrast to what is characteristic or generally true of the unbelieving world....It shouldn't be difficult for people to know whether someone is really a Christian. The unbelieving world is characterized by impurity, and believers of Christ are supposed to be pure.

I want this to be true of me and my life!

The 19th century true woman was characterized by four cardinal virtues - piety, having a heart for God; purity, having a pure heart; submissiveness to God-ordained authority, and being domestic or having a heart for home. I think it's so sad that not only are these virtues no longer common - they are scoffed at and viewed as old-fashioned, extremist and sexist - sometimes even among Christian circles. It would be so amazing if these values were restored among all Christian women!

I appreciated her definition of the difference between positional purity and practical purity.

positional purity [is] what took place in our lives at the moment that we were born again. We were regenerated. We were declared righteous and pure positionally by the substitutionary sacrifice of Christ—justification.

That's our initial salvation. God sees us not as we were but now as being in Christ. We have been saved, and that positional purity is true of every believer.

practical purity... is what theologians more often call sanctification. This doesn't just happen once for all. It's a lifetime process of becoming practically pure, of living out that which God has already declared positionally to be true of us. This is the part—the practical purity—is the part that requires training. Older women train younger women to be pure.

You can't train someone to become a Christian. That happens by the grace of God, through faith. It's a work that God does in our hearts, drawing us to Himself, and He saves us, not by works that we have done, works of righteousness.

You can't make someone else a Christian. God's Spirit does that within us. He declares us to be just and righteous before Him because of Jesus Christ, but older women can disciple younger women. We can disciple one another in the process of becoming personally pure, practically pure, being sanctified.

Being pure requires continues, unrelenting vigilance. King David - a man after God's own heart, grew careless and fell into huge sin (adultery and murder!). We need to be on constant guard, we can't let evil get it's foot into the door of our lives. We can't think we're above that. We can't think we have arrived. It is constant. And yes, God's grace is big enough to cover the biggest sins - no doubt about that. But if we give in to sin, and let it begin to control us again, if we harden our hearts in order to do what we know to be wrong, it will be that much harder to come to the point of repentance again.

Our lives should not make ungodly people feel condemned. We need to show them the compassion and the mercy that God showed us, and that He shows them. But they should feel that we are uncomfortable with impurity. That we don't celebrate or glorify impurity.

I love the quote she ends off with.

So as you choose to say yes to the purity of Christ and no to all that is impure and say, “I want to walk within my house with integrity of heart and purity of hands and life,” you're not doing it to be self-righteous. You're not doing it to look good.

We're doing it to create wonder and awe in a dark world as they see the light of Christ turned on, and we're doing it out of love and devotion and passion for Christ, whose bride we are, so that we may be presented to Him without fault, without blemish, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, in fine linen bright and pure.

Lesson 30 is A Lasting Kindness. I think this is an excellent summary of the whole series - everything boils down to your heart. If you focus on having a pure heart, a heart that longs for Jesus and that longs to reflect Him to the world around us - everything will flow from that, then everything will fall into place.

Here's a good definition of the twin qualities kindness and goodness. “Kindness is the inner disposition created by the Holy Spirit that causes us to be sensitive to the needs of others, whether physical, emotional or spiritual. Goodness is kindness in action, words, and deeds.”

It’s the call to proactively look for opportunities to be a blessing to others, to show the kindness of God to others, to take initiative.

We need to proactively show kindness first to our families (how often don't they get the short end of the kindness stick!), to the family of God, to the poor and needy in body and soul, and our enemies. This is obviously only possible with the grace and strength of God. "I can do all things through Him who gives me strength" Phil 4:13

Kindness of heart will help lift the load. It won’t necessarily make all those tasks glamorous, but it will make them an act of worship, an act of real love.

True Woman Tuesday - Week 9

Welcome to Week 9 of the True Woman Makeover hosted by my cousin Tammi at Valleygirl. Check out her blog for her thoughts, as well as those of others doing this study with us. I can't believe we only have one more week left - I've really enjoyed this study!

I found these lessons to be a bit of a repeat of some of our earlier Proverbs 31 lessons. But still good reminders.

Lesson 25 is titled Make Your Husband a Priority. The lesson reinforced the truth that men needs respect and affirmation from their wives - they need us to say it, and they need us to show it. Our husbands needs to be our priority. We need to love our husbands.

You can’t say you have sound doctrine if you despise or disregard your husband. Loving your husband flows out of the gospel, and this kind of love also flows out of a promise, a vow, a covenant.

Powerful statement, and totally true. I'm not sure I've ever thought of it exactly that way, but it is very accurate.

We need to be intentional above loving our husbands - like we were intentional about loving them when we were dating! Show genuine interest in our husbands, investing in them, investing in things that interest them. Have fun together. This is something Nathan and I definitely do - we try to go out regularly for date nights, and we try to get away for holidays by ourselves without the kids. This isn't always an option for people (either because they can't find sitters or because of finances), but there are always ways to get alone time if it's a priority and you use some imagination!

Lesson 26 is Letting God Shape Your Husband.

Nobody is perfect. If you look, you can find faults in anybody. But people can find faults in you too. We're all sinners in need of grace - from God and from each other. And there should be no one that you're more willing to extend grace to than your husband.

Don't expect perfection, and you won't be disappointed when you don't find it.

And regardless of his sin or imperfections, we are still responsible for how we react and deal with that, and how we treat our husbands.

It’s your job to love your husband. It’s God’s job to change him.

I love that quote. We are not to be the Holy Spirit to our husbands. We are to love them and pray for them.

And no matter the imperfections, everyone also has positive qualities. We need to focus on our husband's positive qualities - and verbally praise him for them.

This is true of all our relationships, and even life in general. Focusing on the negative always makes things worse. And focusing on the positive always makes things better. We can't control what other people do, we often can't control our circumstances. But we can control our reactions, and we can control our attitudes, and we can control our perspective.

Lesson 27 is called Delighting in Your Children. This was an excellent reminder that children are truly a blessing and keeping that perspective can help us get through those tough days. Every time the Bible speaks about children it is to call them a blessing, a heritage, a reward.

Jesus said, in effect, “This is the time for kids, because the kingdom of God is made up of people who have childlike faith and humility. Value the children. Don’t send them away. Let them come to Me.”

Jesus stops what He is doing—Jesus, the Son of God, who has got to accomplish the plan of redemption in three years. He stops. He takes the children in His lap. He blesses them.

Is Jesus can take the time for children, we certainly can and should!

We need to delight in our children and tell them so! Over and over - you can never say "I love you" too much. Never.

Make them a priority, second only to our husbands who are second only to God.

We need to keep our perspective and we need to keep our priorities in focus.

Don't forget to head over to Valleygirl and see what the others had to say about this past week's lessons.

True Woman Tuesday - Week 8

Welcome to Week 8 of the True Woman Makeover hosted by my cousin Tammi at Valleygirl. Check out her blog for her thoughts, as well as those of others doing this study with us.

Let me tell you - these were all powerful lessons!

Lesson 22 is titled How to Control Your Tongue and is based on Titus 2:3 and focused on "not to be malicious gossips" (NASB)or "slanderers" (NIV, NKJ). Nancy points out that he is likely referring to all sins of the tongue including gossip, idle words, lying, talebearing (whispering behind someone's back), backbiting, boasting, cursing and evil speaking. Wow. Hands up if you've never done any of those things. She adds that these are sins we've seen as respectable - you know, not like those adulterers, thieves, and murderers. But Jesus lumps them all in together with sins of the tongue.

Matthew 15:18-19 But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man 'unclean.' For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. (NIV)

Nancy says:

It makes me ask: Are we as concerned and shocked and grieved over our sins of the tongue as we are over the evil behavior of others? Jesus put them all together, but He said slander, evil speaking, reveal what is in our hearts.

I don't think we are as concerned or shocked or grieved. Often we slander someone because of pride, envy or jealousy. It reveals a lack of self-control, a lack of love, a critical & judgemental and contentious spirit. When put that way it doesn't sound very harmless or respectable after all, does it?

So, how do we do it? How do we not sin with our tongues. Nancy gives us 7 suggestions.
1) Humble ourselves and admit our sins of the tongue, admit the sin of the heart that caused it and confess to God the root issues or motive behind the sin. Then humble ourselves to the person we spoke to and the person we spoke about, if necessary. Wow - if we did that every time - I think we'd stop in a hurry don't you?
2) Have a zero tolerance policy for slander and evil speaking, and the bitterness that is often the root of it. This doesn't mean we cover up sin. But when we want to tell someone about someone else's sin, we need to make sure our motives our pure - do we have redemption and reconciliation in mind? “If the person is not a part of the problem or part of the solution, don’t say it.”
3) Replace the slander with a heart (and words) of love, grace, forgiveness and kindness. "Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you" (Ephesians 4:32).
4) We need to take our thought life captive to the Holy Spirit. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. (Phil 4:8)
5) Talk less. Pretty simply but pretty obvious. The less we talk the less likely we are to speak things that don't need to be said. Don't ask unnecessary questions that can only lead to a bad end result. James 1, "Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to get angry" (verse 19, emphasis added).
6) Think before you speak.

Is it true? Is it kind? Will it build up, will it edify the person of whom I'm speaking? Is it necessary? Does the person I'm talking to need to know this? If this were about me, would I want it shared with someone else? Would I mind if the person I'm talking about were standing right here? Would I be willing to say it to their face?

"Set a guard, Oh Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips! (Psalm 141:3)

7) Refuse to listen to slander or gossip. Don't just refuse to spread it. Refuse to listen to it. Change the topic, or better yet - build the person up instead of slandering them.

So as you speak about other believers, are you accusing them as the devil does? Or are you advocating for them as Jesus does for you?

I think if we would focus especially on #3 & 4 - thinking pure thoughts, and striving to have a heart of love, grace and forgiveness - the rest will fall into place.

Lesson 23 is titled The Anatomy of Addiction but in the introduction to this lesson it referenced a previous lesson about whether it's wise to drink in moderation or better not to start at all, so I was very curious and checked out that lesson as well. I wanted to share from that lesson. I thought this lesson was just excellent and thought provoking and she really tried to separate her opinion from what the Bible clearly states. Honestly, I could quote almost this entire lesson - I highly encourage you to read it!

She starts off by acknowledging that there's such a huge and varied group of people out there listening or reading these studies. There's those that practice complete alcohol abstinence - they simply don't drink at all. There's those who, whether they know it or not, are controlled by alcohol. And there are those who honestly do drink in moderation.

The Bible absolutely prohibits drunkenness, but it does not prohibit drinking alcohol in moderation. So we need to be careful not to make rules that the Bible does not set.

And yet I would say this: In an effort to avoid a spirit of legalism (that is adding to the grace of God and making your relationship with God a matter of what we do for God rather than what God has done for us) in this and many other areas today, many Christians have fallen into the other equally dangerous pitfall of license.

What they say is, “We’re living under grace.” Now what they’re not saying but what the implication sometimes seems to be is, “Therefore, because we’re living under grace, we’re free to do whatever our flesh wants to do.”

That is not a biblical concept of living under grace.......Grace doesn’t want to make you live as much like you did before you were a Christian as possible. It makes you want to be as much like Christ as possible.

The grace of God should make saved people distinctive in:

• the way we think
• the way we act
• the way we talk
• the way we dress
• the way we eat
• the way we drink

Everything about us should be informed and shaped by the grace of God so that it’s all for His glory and all for the furthering of His kingdom and His rule and reign on this earth.

Nancy has 4 questions we should ask ourselves as we determine whether we are free to drink under the Lordship of Christ Jesus.

1) Is it harmful to your physical body? Our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit.

There are definitely some potential health risks of drinking alcohol. Nancy ticks some off...

• Alcohol is a toxin that damages the liver.
• Even small amounts of alcohol can destroy brain cells.
• It’s been known for years as it relates to women and alcohol that drinking alcohol during pregnancy can cause physical and mental birth defects. No level of alcohol use during pregnancy is considered safe for the baby and even moderate drinking increases the risk of spontaneous abortion.

Just within the last several weeks a new study came out that had studied 70,000 women over two decades here in the United States. And the headline was:

• “Alcohol Increases the Risk of Breast Cancer Whatever the Type of Drink.”¹
• The use of alcohol also increases the risk of developing colon, esophagus, mouth, and throat cancers.²

Now you’ll always have somebody say, “Well what about those doctors that are saying that red wine is good for your heart?”

Dr. Ira Goldberg is a member of the American Heart Association. He’s a professor of medicine at Colombia University in New York City. And he said—and I quote:

The same antioxidants found in red wine can also be obtained from unfermented grape juice and without the hazards related to alcohol.

So the suggestion about alcohol being helpful to your health is in my view much overshadowed by the many studies indicating the potential health risks through alcohol consumption.

2) Does or could the use of alcohol enslave you?

It’s interesting to me that many people admit to using alcohol as a means of escape, and yet they end up enslaved in many cases. They were trying to get free, but in many cases they find that they are imprisoned.

This concept of being enslaved by alcohol I think is what is referred to in Ephesians 5 where the apostle Paul says, “Don’t get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery.” That word just means excessive indulgence. “But instead be filled with the Holy Spirit" (verse18).

Being drunk with wine is contrasted with being filled with the Spirit. You can’t be both at the same time. You can’t be under God’s control and under the control of another substance. You can’t serve two masters.

The interesting thing to me is as I’ve talked with those who have struggled with alcohol addiction or with the sin of drunkenness they’ve said, “The problem is you don’t know how much you can handle until you’re past that point. That’s the danger. That’s the challenge.”

I will say this for sure. Every case of alcohol addiction or abuse began with a first drink. A person will never be an alcoholic, will never be a drunk, will never be inebriated, will never be intoxicated, will never be addicted—use whatever word you want—if they don’t take the first drink.

3) Is it an idol in your life?

Are you using alcohol instead of going to God? Are you escaping your pain and problems by turning to alcohol instead of letting God meet our needs, counsel, encourage, comfort and give us grace?

Are you trying to fill a place that was made for God? Are you looking to alcohol or anything else for that matter on this planet to provide relief, to provide answers to life’s problems such as anxiety, guilt, boredom, rejection or loneliness?

4) Could the use of alcohol cause spiritual damage to someone else or lead them into sin?

The law of love for Christ and for others should trump any liberty we may have. If to exercise our liberty is to prove to be unloving to others, then we need to be willing to set aside our liberty in order to practice the law of love.

In 1 Corinthians chapters 8 and 10, Paul discusses this very principle. This isn't being afraid of what others might think. It's being considerate of others. Christ died for them - but we're not willing to limit our liberty to drink (or eat meat, or....)?

In Romans 14 Paul discusses a similar principle, but this time the issues are more grey. There is no specific "wrong" or "right". So, what then? How do we maintain unity?

The first principle (Romans 14:1-12) - the law of love - means not to pass judgement on others for things the Bible is not specific about. The Bible condemns drunkenness, not alcohol consumption. If some believers feels a liberty in this (or any other!) area that we have been convicted in, we are not to judge. I admit that this can be hard, and I have failed at this in the past.

The second principle (Romans 14:13-23) - do not cause others to stumble. Could exercising your liberty (your ability to handle alcohol in moderation, for example) lead another believer into sin? This is not letting our fellow sisters off the hook - they are responsible for their own actions absolutely. This is about encouraging each other. Supporting each other. Not making it more difficult for each other.

And it doesn't matter if we have a large audience looking at our lives, or a small one.

You have a ministry. People look to your life as an example. And I’ll tell you one key area you have to ask if you have children, “How does alcohol consumption, how could it influence the lives of my children?”

It’s been correctly observed that what parents tolerate in moderation their children many times will excuse in excess. I just think as you think about the statistics of teenage drinking and teenage drunkenness, that the adult generation has got to take some huge responsibility for our lives, for our examples.

Another thought, simply my own personal opinion. I have heard it said that in general, alcohol is an acquired taste. In other words, many people don't like it when they first taste it. But after more exposure they grow to like it. So, my question is - why? Why drink it if it doesn't taste good, what's the motive? Is it to fit in? (for likely 99% of teens that's the reason they do it!). I can understand those who were not Christians growing up, and grew up with alocohol, and were able to drink in moderation, who became Christians later on. I can understand then that they already have the taste for it - but even then, all these other questions Nancy addressed still need to be considered. But for those growing up in Christian homes - really, what is the reason to start drinking in the first place? Especially if you try it and don't like it - why would you try it again?

I want to close this part of the lesson with the following quote. It is Nancy's quote, but I believe and agree with it 100%.

The Bible does not require total abstinence. But I am persuaded personally—this is between me and the Lord—that the best and the wisest choice is not to drink at all particularly in our culture and in our era where alcohol is bringing with it such widespread destruction and damage.

Now if you think about it, you pray it through, you go to the Lord, you seek Him and you believe that God gives you the freedom to drink within biblical bounds, then I’m not going to pass judgment on you because Scripture says I must not. I must live within the law of love towards you and I will.

I want to challenge you not just to follow the culture, not just to do what’s comfortable for you, not just to do what is done in your society or your friends or your group or your family, but to consider why you would whichever choice you make and to ask, “Is it best? Is it wise? Or would the high road be, in light of the law of love, would the high road be to make the choice not to drink at all?”

Now, in the actual lesson we were supposed to be studying, about addiction..

The word addiction is a modern term. It’s really not my favorite term because, the way it’s used today, it tends to imply that we have no responsibility or culpability, that this is something we can’t help.

We’re not saying that. We’re saying we make choices that lead to bondage and strongholds in our lives. The biblical concept is that of enslavement.

There are so many addictions out there these days - alcohol, prescription drugs, food & overeating, gambling, computer games, pornography, romance novels, television and soap operas, spending and shopping. The options are almost endless.

Addictions don't start out as something you're enslaved to - nobody would start doing something they know they'd become enslaved by.
It started out by tasting, by giving in, by yielding, by excess that gradually became a compulsion.

Why do addictions start? People are trying to dull pain, escape problems, dealing with anger inappropriately, trying to satisfy unfulfilled longings.

James chapter 1 tells us, “Each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire” (verse 14). Some of your translations use the word “lust.” We’re lured into temptation by desires that are resident within our own hearts. It can be a desire for pleasure, for recognition, for approval, for significance, for companionship, for control, or for relief.

Listen carefully: The desire itself may not be inherently wrong. It may be a legitimate desire. The problem is when that desire becomes a demand

What we thought would help us, fulfill us, satisfy us - ends up enslaving us.

But we can find freedom from addiction in Christ! The power of the cross is greater than any addiction.

Lesson 24 is titled Intentional Training. I'm not going to spend much time on this one because this is already so long you've probably stopped reading by this point :)

Older women are supposed to intentional find a woman to mentor - train those younger than them, let them experience the benefit of wisdom learned sometimes the hard way.

And younger women should seek out an older woman to mentor her - to learn from her the wisdom that comes from experience. Even if it's only someone to encourage and pray for us - we can all use that!!

That's one thing that has really stood out to me in all of these studies - as the body of Christ we need to be working in unity, we need to be encouraging each other, cheering each other on, helping each other however we can. We need to love each other!

Well, that's finally it for today! Head on over to Tammi's site at Valleygirl to see what everyone else thought of these past three lessons.

True Woman Tuesday - Week 7

Welcome to Week 7 of the True Woman Makeover hosted by my cousin Tammi at Valleygirl. Check out her blog for her thoughts, as well as those of others doing this study with us.

Lessons 19 and 20wrap up the Attractive Christian Women series.

One point that caught my eye was how to explain to our children how different Christians have different levels of maturity and how that is reflected in their behaviour. I loved this quote...

So you're responsible to live up to the truth that you know, and then you're also responsible to pray that God will teach their hearts those same truths that you know. If God brings you into relationship with them, then you may have the privilege of being one of the people that helps share truth with them.

Along with the benefit of growing up in a Christian home and being taught the Word, comes the responsibility to live out the truth we've been taught, to pray for those around us, to be an example to them and to teach them in love and in truth.

Keeping an open dialogue about everything with our children when they are young, will leave the door open for those important discussions in their formative teen years.

And, once again, continuing to live out the truth we've been taught is just so important in modeling integrity.

Lesson 21 is titled "Applying Sound Doctrine" and is based on Titus 2:1 As for you, Titus, promote the kind of living that reflects wholesome teaching. (NLT)

In order to be a beacon of light in a dark world, we need to have a solid doctrine (wholesome teaching), our lives need to be grounded in biblical truth. And then we need to live our lives to match this doctrine.

Doctrine is always connected, in the Scripture, to duty. It’s connected to life. It’s not just some vague abstract stuff up there. It’s real-life applications connected to doctrine.

• Sound doctrine requires us to live lives that are pleasing to the Lord.
• Sound doctrine motivates us to live lives that are pleasing to the Lord.
• Sound doctrine enables us to do that which we want to do, and that is to live lives that are pleasing to the Lord.

We need to have that solid foundation of truth (doctrine) and then we need to apply it to real life. We need both - it's not either/or.

We need to make a conscious decision to transfer this head knowledge and make it heart knowledge, because the heart is the wellspring of life (Prov 4:23)

We need to know what we believe, and live what we believe.

There’s no more powerful tool of evangelism. There’s no more powerful tool of social and structural change in our world than for Christians to believe and live out the doctrine and the gospel of Jesus Christ.

You may be wondering - does it really make a difference if I live out a godly life?

You know what? Your life, your family, may be one tiny island of godliness in a sea of wickedness. But that’s how the kingdom of God spreads.

Don’t underestimate the impact of a life that is based on sound doctrines and lives out the implications of the gospel, because the day is coming when the glory of the Lord will cover the earth as the waters cover the sea [see Habakkuk 2:14].

Every life makes a difference. My life makes a difference. Your life makes a difference.

True Woman Tuesday - Week 6

Welcome to Week 6 of the True Woman Makeover hosted by my cousin Tammi at Valleygirl. Check out her blog for her thoughts, as well as those of others doing this study with us.

Lessons 16 (Training our Daughters), 17 (Modeling Modesty) and 18 (More Than a List) all deal with teaching modesty to our children.

first your children need to sense that you believe that walking with God and living life for the glory of God is the most wonderful way to live.

If we don't show our children that living for Christ and His glory is joyful and the best way to live life - why in the world would they want that for themselves?

The issue is not strictly obedience (though of course that's important too - hot stove anyone?!). It's a heart issue.

Proverbs 4:23 Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life. (NLT)

What is in our heart is what comes out in our attitudes, actions and words. So, we need to instill in our children's very core the values that we believe in.

How do we do that?

So make sure that you’re communicating to your children what it means to live for the glory of God, and why there’s joy in that. Then ask God to help you set a godly example in every area of your life, to be an example of what it means to love God and to obey God.

First, we have to be consistent with walking our talk in all areas of our lives. If our children see us being inconsistent in one area - why should they listen to us in another? It's being hypocritical and children are smart enough to see this. Let's be honest - our children see us at our worst. This doesn't mean we have to be perfect - kids don't expect that. But they expect authenticity - and I think that will only become more of an expectation the older they get. So, that means that when we do mess up (and we will!) that we need to admit our mistakes to our kids, apologize and ask their forgiveness. I know parents often think that we need to be perfect for our kids and not admit our mistakes - but truly it is the opposite. Children will respect you far more when you own up to the mistakes they already know you make!

Entertainment is an area today where we are so influenced in subtle ways by a culture that is contrary to God’s ways. It’s more subtle because we laugh at entertainment; we’re amused by entertainment. It’s fun, so we don’t think of how dangerous some of what we’re being exposed to might be in its philosophy, in its behavior, in what it’s promoting as a worldview.

There’s inconsistency there for parents who profess to believe the gospel and then let their kids watch sexually explicit movies, movies that promote philosophies that are violent or unbiblical.

One rule in our home will definitely be that we need to see the movie first before our kids can see it. This won't be a problem because we love going to movies!

Now, I may be the odd man out, but I don't necessarily feel it would be hypocritical of me to see a movie I wouldn't want my kids to see. First off, none of the movies we watch are appropriate for young children to see, but they're not kid movies, they're adult movies. Not that entertainment has no effect on me as an adult, but I have already formed my worldview, I already know what I believe and it will not affect me as much as a teen who is going through all those crazy thought processes and is really forming their worldview. Now, I still need to use discernment and think about what I've just seen.

And that is what I want to teach our children. If we do allow them to watch a movie that has some objectionable points but is overall ok, then we will discuss it with them after. We will explore together what was wrong and why, what was realistic and what was not, etc.

However, that is when they are old enough to process things that way. When they are young, I really believe we need to guard their minds. We need to be careful what things we allowing to go into their minds, even subconsciously.

To that end, we have recently cut back on both the amount of TV our children watch (only one show per day) and which shows they are watching. Some of the shows that we cut out aren't even necessarily bad shows. They just reinforce a worldview that I don't want them focusing on right now.

This also goes for magazines - especially if you have sons in the house.

Listen, you would not allow a voluptuous woman who was half-dressed to come in and sit on your coffee table and say, “I’ll just be here for a month, and then I’ll be gone.” But isn’t that what we do with magazines?

We don't need to be on pins and needles about every little thing, but we have control over what comes into our house and there's no point in playing with fire. Again, we don't need to make a big deal over everything (the lure of forbidden fruit and everything), we need to consistently model modesty as a way of life.

And no double standards. If casual wear has to be modest, so does formal wear and so does swimwear. Swimwear - that's a tough one for me. I'm not sure where to draw the line on that one.

Now, setting a good example, modeling modesty - is very important. Without it, anything you say will be ignored. But even with it - we still need to verbally teach it. They're not just going to absorb our values through osmosis.

I love the list she gives....

• The principle of ownership: Your body is not your own; it belongs to God once you’re a child of God.
• The principle of Lordship: Jesus is Lord over all.
• The principle of citizenship: If you’re a child of God, you belong to a different kingdom; you don’t belong to this world.
• The principle of stewardship: God has entrusted some things to you, like a body. He’s entrusted beauty to you, and you have to use that in ways that are pleasing to the Lord

And generally, everyday teachable moments are the best way to teach values to our children. Discuss the billboard you just passed, the show you just watched, etc. Ask them questions - get them to reason it out themselves as to why it is right or wrong, or what such an action portrays. They will be much more likely to "own" things and opinions they figure out on their own under your guidance and through study of God's Word. What does God have to say about it? Help them look it up. Teach them to be students of the Word.

Wow - so much to think about again this week. Looking foward to next week and reading everyone else's thoughts again.

True Woman Tuesday - Week 5

Welcome to Week 5 of the True Woman Makeover hosted by my cousin Tammi at Valleygirl. Check out her blog for her thoughts, as well as those of others doing this study with us.

We're continuing in the Attractive Christian Woman Series. Lessons 13, titled A Woman's Great Loveliness, and 14, Self-Control, focus in on two specific words of the 1 Timothy 2 passage we discussed last week - modesty (Lesson 13) and self-control (Lesson 14).

From the ESV - "women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control"

A woman's greatest loveliness comes through a modest heart; and a modest heart expresses itself in modest behavior, modest dress, modest reactions, and modest attitudes.

Modesty is not just about dress (though of course it covers that too - pun intended!).

Modesty involves humility.

It's seeing yourself as you are - having a realistic and humble view of your own talents and abilities.

It's about being discreet, and feeling appropriately embarrassed when other people are not being discreet - when private and intimate things are discussed publicly.

It's the opposite of vanity and showiness, of self-centredness, of bossiness, of arrogance.

It's taking the focus off yourself. You don't need to be the star of the show or the centre of attention.

And if that isn't counter-cultural I don't know what is!!

Self-control is another word practically foreign to society today. We live in a society that not only completely legitimizes the desire to simply take what we want without thought for others, it encourages it! Do what feels right to you. If you want it, do it. You have the right to be happy. It's your body.

This is such a natural temptation of the flesh, and there's no way we can be self-controlled in all areas of our lives without the power of the Holy Spirit.

Self-control covers soooo much. Our sexual passions - as women it is very easy to abuse the power we know we wield over men, visually and suggestively. Exciting the passions of your husband - absolutely!! But that's where the line has to be drawn. Even mild flirtation is playing with fire.

We need to have a spiritual radar. We need to listen to the tug of the Holy Spirit within us.

Are we moderate in other areas as well - eating, exercise, in our speech, in our temper, how we spend our time and money. So many areas. I know I need to work on some of those that's for sure!

Let me tell you, the greatest freedom in life comes when we're under the control of the Holy Spirit. That's when you can really enjoy life. That's when you can enjoy healthy and wholesome relationships in the Body of Christ.

It's the women who have no self-control who are the ones who end up with their lives in a million pieces, sitting in a therapist's office

The world tries to tell us that we'll only gain happiness by focusing on ourselves. We've been sold a bill of goods!

Lesson 15 is called Reflecting God's Glory.

“Let your external appearance reflect why you’ve come to church.”

A woman who is going to church to worship God will have a heart that is reflected in the way she dresses. Instead of dressing to attract attention, we should clothe ourselves with good works.

When you extend yourself, your heart, and your hands in good works, you know what you’re doing? You’re adorning the gospel. You’re making Jesus believable. You’re reflecting a heart that is modest and pure and self-controlled. You’re reflecting the heart of Jesus.

I need to remember that. Every day, every action, every attitude, every word I speak is a reflection of my Saviour. If I claim Christ, I am a mirror of Him to a watching world. And make no doubt about it - they are watching.

Are they getting an accurate portrait?

True Woman Tuesday - Week 4

Welcome to Week 4 of the True Woman Makeover hosted by my cousin Tammi at Valleygirl.

Lesson 10 is called The Fruit of Her Hands and finishes off Proverbs 31.

Nancy points out that with this passage (as with any other Bible passage) we can choose to reject the message, we can try and do it on our own strength (and then fail), or we can acknowledge that, just like God's law, we cannot do it on our own strength and rely on God to live through us.

Rejecting the message isn't really an option for Christians. A Christian's belief in the inerrancy of the Bible is integral to our faith, and therefore makes rejecting the message a virtual impossibility. You cannot claim Christ and not the Word.

Trying to do it on our own, however, is a trap virtually everyone falls into. It is impossible to do everything the Proverbs 31 woman does, all the time, on our own. We simply can't do it. And if we try, we're going to crash and burn.

Proverbs 31 shows us that as Christian women, we need to live our lives dependant on the power of the Holy Spirit.

In Proverbs 31, we have a pattern for the kind of women that God created us to be. We’ve said over and over again through this series that it’s not all the domestic abilities and things that this woman can do that are what make her great. It’s the fact that she’s a woman who has a love for God and a love for people. We’re really seeing here a portrait of the Lord Jesus, and ultimately we are called to be like Him.

Proverbs 31 is a pattern of what a godly woman looks like, it's a guide, it's where we're headed, it's a picture of the person God is conforming us to be - IF we allow Him to.

I found this to be an encouraging lesson, and an excellent reminder to be humble. To admit that we cannot do everything ourselves. This is a lesson I've learned in the past, but for some reason it's one I need to learn over and over again.

But there is an outcome of this way of life that makes it all worth while.

Proverbs 31:30-31 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Living like the Proverbs 31 woman is a sacrificial way of living. But we reap what we sow. If we live selfishly we will receive the fruits of that, if we live sacrificial we will receive the fruits of that work and it will be worth it! How wonderful it will be to hear the words from our Saviour "Well done, good and faithful servant!" (Matthew 25:21)

Lesson 11, titled Women in the Church, begins to discuss a passage in 1 Timothy.

In this book, Paul is giving instruction to Timothy who was a pastor of a church in Ephesus, on how men and women are to behave, what they ought to do, and what their attitude should be in church (and out of church).

1 Timothy 2:9-10
I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God. (NIV)
Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments, but rather by means of good works, as is proper for women making a claim to godliness. (NASB)
And I want women to be modest in their appearance. They should wear decent and appropriate clothing and not draw attention to themselves by the way they fix their hair or by wearing gold or pearls or expensive clothes. For women who claim to be devoted to God should make themselves attractive by the good things they do. (NLT)

I really like the NLT translation of these verses.

This is what jumps out at me - "women who profess to worship God", "women making a claim to godliness", "women who claim to be devoted to God". If we claim to worship God, claim to be devoted to Him - then our attitudes and our actions and our attire all need to reflect that. How we dress is a reflection of our hearts.

Who you are and what you are will come out in the way that you look, the way that you act, and the attitudes that you demonstrate toward other people.

Lesson 12 is called Affirming our Faith and continues to focus on the same passage in Timothy.

We said that it's so important that our appearance and our attitudes and our actions confirm and affirm our profession of faith.

Ladies, it’s not enough to claim to be a Christian. There are millions and millions of people in this country who claim to be Christians and whose names are on the role of some church membership, but they are no more Christians than the "man in the moon." They don't have a relationship with Christ and the evidence is in their appearance, in their attitudes, and in their actions.

Listen, your appearance and your actions and your attitudes will never make you a Christian. They cannot earn you salvation. You can't say, "I am a good Christian because I dress like a good Christian; I act like a good Christian, and I have good Christian attitudes." That won't make you a Christian. But if you are a Christian, you absolutely will have appearance, attitudes, and actions that confirm your profession of faith.

I'm not a Christian because I dress and act like one. I dress and act like a Christian because I am one.

It's a challenge to every Christian woman out there - here is the standard for someone who claims Christ, how do you measure up?

This lesson was a great reminder that as Christian women we cannot be a stumbling block to any man, especially our Christian brothers. Yes, men are responsible for their actions (not lusting), but we are responsible for ours (dressing modestly). Our Christian brothers know they have to fight this battle in the world - they should not have to fight it in church. If the church can't be a safe haven - we have fallen too far indeed!

True Woman Tuesday - Week 3

Welcome to Week 3 of the True Woman Tuesday study being hosted by my cousin Tammi over at Valleygirl. And wow, was this a convicting week for me!

Lesson 7 was titled Measured Words and was based on Proverbs 31:26

She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. (NIV)
She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. (NASB)
When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say, and she always says it kindly. (The Message)
When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness. (NLT)

Nancy points out that here we are, all the way at verse 26 and this is the first verse that mentions this woman talking. I think that's pretty important. This woman is not known for shooting her mouth off. She is know for her servant's heart and her compassion, but not for her frequency of speech. And when she does talk - it's deliberately, with wisdom and clothed in kindness and love.

Isn’t it sad that we’re so much more careful about the words that we say outside our homes than often we are inside our homes?

Oh how painfully true this often is. There are sooo many verses in the Bible that speak of the tongue - how powerful that one little body part can be. It can be used for good and it can be used for evil. It can build up and it can tear down.

I want to say that no matter how many domestic skills you have, no matter how well you can cook and clean and sew, no matter how creative you are, no matter how efficient and organized you are in your home, no matter how capable you are in your workplace or in your home environment, no matter how clean your house is, no matter how beautifully decorated your home may be, you can destroy it all with one little instrument called the tongue.

And it's so important to realize the words we say are a reflection of our heart.

I think this is often a pretty big struggle for women. I know that I personally need to work on this! I need to correct my children in love and with kindness - teaching them immediately, instead of waiting until they're on my last nerve. And if I am upset, to stop and wait before speaking. Words, and the damage they can do, last a lifetime. And it's not just the words themselves, it's the tone in which they are said. That is really the area I need to work on. Tone of voice is huge!

Lesson 8 it titled What Does Your Home Communicate? and is based on verse 27.

She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. (NIV)
She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness. (NASB)
She keeps an eye on everyone in her household, and keeps them all busy and productive. (The Message)
She carefully watches everything in her household and suffers nothing from laziness. (NLT)

As women, we need to be knowing what's going on in our household. We need to be in tune with our children and our husband. We need to have eyes on the back of our heads!

We need to know both physically and spiritually - which is why we need to be praying for our family, and that God would reveal things to us that we need to address. Catching things early on is key - and we won't do that if we're not really tuned in. The first part of vs 27 is a good reminder of the importance of this!

The second half of that verse is where it gets convicting. To not be idle or lazy. To be on task and get things done - not just think about getting things done, not procrastinating about getting things done. Just doing it! Flylady has helped me with this a bit, but this is still a work in progress. I need to keep my priorities my priorities, and everything else needs to be secondary. First things first.

Am I talking on the phone instead of taking care of my household? Perhaps more to the point for me, am I on the computer instead of taking care of my household?

I have found that the days I am diligent and take care of the stuff that has to be done - there often does end up to be time to do the fun stuff. But it doesn't seem to work so well the other way around.

And the thing is, everything we do - the way we live, the way we keep our house, the way we spend our time - all of it, reflects on ourselves, our husbands, our families and most importantly on Christ. We are a witness at all times in all things. I don't want to let Him down.

Lesson 9 is called "High and Holy Calling" which continues to focus on vs 27.

Prayer is such a huge responsibility and priviledge for us as we watch over our households.

I loved this quote...

What a blessing it is for a man to know that back home there’s a wife who’s watching and praying on his behalf, and praying that as he goes out into that world, God will protect him and God will keep his heart pure.

Ladies, if you’re not going to pray that for your husband, who do you think is going to pray that for him? Who’s going to watch and pray for his soul? You can protect him in that way, and you protect your children as you watch and pray. Ask the Lord to show you things that you need to be alert to, in their lives.

I want to be that blessing for Nathan and our children.

The woman in this passage - well, Martha Stewart has nothing on her! She can sew, make things from scratch, she has all kinds of skills and abilities. Yet it is not these skills and abilities that make her a virtuous woman. It's her heart. Her heart is centred on her home, and it's focused on serving God by serving her family.

We cannot allow ourselves to define success the way the world does. Success should not be defined by what we do outside the home - on a career, or on a volulnteer job, on something we "do". To be successful as God defines success, we need to have a heart for our home. And this means that we are a support and help to our husbands, and a servant in our homes. This obviously does not mean that we do every little thing, but we need to manage it. And we need to train our children to do the same. We need to be lovers, givers, servers - this is our high and holy calling.

Attending Bible Study doesn't make you spiritual, memorizing verses doesn't, teaching Sunday School doesn't - all of those are good things and, if we have have the time, are worthy things to do - but what makes you spiritual is living out a heart that is dedicated to God.

Another quote I loved...

What you’re doing in that home may not seem very important. It may not seem very meaningful. It may not seem very fulfilling. Where did we get that word? Fulfilling— everything today has to be fulfilling. That is so selfish!

The question is: Are you fulfilling God’s purpose and God’s plan for your life? Not: Are you fulfilling what you want to do with your life? If you want ultimate joy and ultimate happiness, then set yourself to do the will of God, and you will find there is, long-term, nothing more fulfilling.

And, finally, here is Proverbs 31 from The Message - I rather enjoy this version.

Proverbs 31

Speak Out for Justice

¹The words of King Lemuel, the strong advice his mother gave him:

^2-3 "Oh, son of mine, what can you be thinking of! Child whom I bore! The son I dedicated to God! Don't dissipate your virility on fortune-hunting women, promiscuous women who shipwreck leaders.
^4-7 "Leaders can't afford to make fools of themselves, gulping wine and swilling beer, Lest, hung over, they don't know right from wrong, and the people who depend on them are hurt. Use wine and beer only as sedatives, to kill the pain and dull the ache of the terminally ill, for whom life is a living death.
^8-9 "Speak up for the people who have no voice, for the rights of all the down-and-outers. Speak out for justice! Stand up for the poor and destitute!"

Hymn to a Good Wife

^10-31 A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds.
Her husband trusts her without reserve, and never has reason to regret it.
Never spiteful, she treats him generously all her life long.
She shops around for the best yarns and cottons, and enjoys knitting and sewing.
She's like a trading ship that sails to faraway places and brings back exotic surprises.
She's up before dawn, preparing breakfast for her family and organizing her day.
She looks over a field and buys it, then, with money she's put aside, plants a garden.
First thing in the morning, she dresses for work, rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started.
She senses the worth of her work, is in no hurry to call it quits for the day.
She's skilled in the crafts of home and hearth, diligent in homemaking.
She's quick to assist anyone in need, reaches out to help the poor.
She doesn't worry about her family when it snows; their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear.
She makes her own clothing, and dresses in colorful linens and silks.
Her husband is greatly respected when he deliberates with the city fathers.
She designs gowns and sells them, brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops.
Her clothes are well-made and elegant, and she always faces tomorrow with a smile.
When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say, and she always says it kindly.
She keeps an eye on everyone in her household, and keeps them all busy and productive.
Her children respect and bless her; her husband joins in with words of praise:
"Many women have done wonderful things, but you've outclassed them all!"
Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades. The woman to be admired and praised is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God.
Give her everything she deserves! Festoon her life with praises!

True Woman Tuesday - Week 2

Welcome to the True Woman Tuesday bible study! Check out my cousin Tammi's website (by clicking on the True Woman button) for links to the other ladies doing the same study - some good thoughts there.

This week we're going through Lessons 4 - 6.

First of all, here is Proverbs 31 in the New International Reader's Version (today's study verses are bolded)...

Proverbs 31

The Sayings of King Lemuel

¹ These are the sayings of King Lemuel. His mother taught them to him. She spoke them as if they came from God.

² She said, "My son! My very own son! The son I prayed for!
³ Don't waste your strength on women. Don't waste it on those who destroy kings.
⁴ "Lemuel, it isn't good for kings to drink wine. It isn't good for rulers to long for beer.
⁵ If they do, they might drink and forget what the law commands. They might take away the rights of all those who are beaten down.
⁶ Give beer to those who are dying. Give wine to those who are sad and troubled.
⁷ Let them drink and forget how poor they are. Let them forget their suffering.
⁸ "Speak up for those who can't speak for themselves. Speak up for the rights of all those who are poor.
⁹ Speak up and judge fairly. Speak up for the rights of those who are poor and needy."

The Noble Wife

¹⁰ Who can find a noble wife? She is worth far more than rubies.
¹¹ Her husband trusts her completely. She gives him all the important things he needs.
¹² She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.
¹³ She chooses wool and flax. She loves to work with her hands.
¹⁴ She is like the ships of traders. She brings her food from far away.
¹⁵ She gets up while it is still dark. She provides food for her family. She also gives some to her female servants.
¹⁶ She considers a field and buys it. She uses some of the money she earns to plant a vineyard.
¹⁷ She gets ready to work hard. Her arms are strong.
¹⁸ She sees that her trading earns a lot of money. Her lamp doesn't go out at night.
¹⁹ With one hand she holds the wool. With the other she spins the thread.
²⁰ She opens her arms to those who are poor. She reaches out her hands to those who are needy.
²¹ When it snows, she's not afraid for her family. All of them are dressed in the finest clothes.
²² She makes her own bed coverings. She is dressed in fine linen and purple clothes.
²³ Her husband is respected at the city gate. There he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
²⁴ She makes linen clothes and sells them. She supplies belts to the traders.
²⁵ She puts on strength and honor as if they were her clothes. She can laugh at the days that are coming.
²⁶ She speaks wisely. She teaches faithfully.
²⁷ She watches over family matters. She is busy all the time.
²⁸ Her children stand up and call her blessed. Her husband also rises up, and he praises her.
²⁹ He says, "Many women do noble things.But you are better than all the others."
³⁰ Charm can fool you. Beauty fades. But a woman who has respect for the Lord should be praised.
³¹ Give her the reward she has earned. Let everything she has done bring praise to her at the city gate.

Lesson 4 focuses on Proverbs 31:11 & 12

NIRV - Her husband trusts her completely. She gives him all the important things he needs. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.
NIV - Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.
NLT - Her husband can trust her and she will greatly enrich his life. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.
NKJV - The heart of her husband safely trusts her; So he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.
AMP - The heart of her husband trusts in her confidently and relies on and believes in her securely, so that he has no lack of [honest] gain or need of [dishonest] spoil. She comforts, encourages, and does him only good as long as there is life within her.

Oh how I want those words to describe me! For Nathan to know that he can trust me completely, have full confidence in, rely on me, to know that I will comfort, encourage and do him only good as long I have breath within me. That is truly my desire - to be faithful in all things (both big and small) and to be trustworthy.

Obviously faithfulness in the big things are important. Keeping yourselves for each other alone - physically and emotionally, speaking highly of our husbands, instead of putting them down, especially in front of others (this one, I'm happy to say, I'm actually pretty good at - course he makes it easy since he's such a fabulous and involved dad and husband. See, there I go again! Ahem). Confiding in him (not complaining to him!) and keeping his confidences. Praying for him. Protecting his reputation. Presenting a unified front to the children.

When she gives direction to the children, she represents the heart of her husband, and he can trust her. When he’s gone from home, she’s going to be implementing his heart in the home.

But faithfulness in the small things is important too. Some things I know I need to work on, and that I know Nathan would appreciate, are.....
1) remembering to lock the patio door.
2) keeping the house more picked up
3) keeping up with the bookwork and not letting it get behind
4) not being late (ok, maybe that one's not so small!)

And why does a godly woman do her husband good and not evil? Obviously because she loves him. But there's more. There's a deeper and more compelling reason...

She does him good and not evil all the days of her life. Why? Because she’s a covenant-keeping woman; she’s a woman who’s made a vow, and her vow was first to God.

By being faithful in our commitments to our husbands, we are being faithful in our commitment to God. If you are a follower of Christ you have made a commitment to live for Him and His glory. The marriage union is a wonderful covenant relationship instituted & created by God himself - it is very good! And if you are married, then you stood up before God and your family and friends, and committed yourself to this man and this man only for the rest of your lives together. He needs to be a priority, second only to God.

This can be a hard thing for moms and especially for moms with young children. Obviously there are seasons in life where your children's needs will have to come first (infants immediately spring to mind:). But overall, we cannot let our lives revolve around our children - or in twenty years once they're out of the house we won't even recognize the man lying next to us, for our purpose will be gone. And nothing is better for our children than to see the security and stability of a husband and wife committed to each other - and living like it!

Here's another quote that can be a bit of a sensitive issue...

This man can trust his wife to meet his physical needs. He has no need of spoil. He has no need to seek marital intimacy elsewhere because his wife is faithful. Whether she feels like it or not, she is committed to be a giver in the physical aspect of their marriage, to meet his needs sexually.

Ladies, let me just say here, if you don’t meet your husband’s physical and sexual needs, there’s another woman somewhere who would be happy to. And you may end up putting him in a position where—not justifying, not excusing, his sin—but you may make him more vulnerable to temptation and to immorality if you are not faithful to him in even your physical and sexual relationship, as a giver.

This is a pretty personal topic obviously, but I just have to say that I couldn't agree more with this quote. We had a speaker at our church's women's retreat that said something to the effect of "Ladies, your husband didn't marry you to have a best friend. He married you (partly) to have sex with you. He wants and needs to have sex. Who do you want him to have sex with?" I think some of the older ladies just about fell off their chairs during that particular session :)

I'd like to end this discussion about this lesson with this quote...

A godly wife inspires a man to be worthy of her devotion. He rises to that because he knows he has a woman who is an asset, not a liability—a woman who supports, encourages, and helps him in every way possible.

Again, this is all only possible by the grace of God.

Lesson 5 is about a godly woman's work and focuses on Verse 13 (NIV) "She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands."

This verse talks about a godly woman working hard. And she works hard in her home.

Titus chapter 2 teaches us that women are to be home-workers—workers at home. That’s what the Word says. That’s what the Scripture says.

Now, that doesn’t mean—and we’ll see in this passage—that there is no other place that a woman works. But the first place that she works is in her home. Until she has cared for the needs of her home, she has not got the right to go out and tend to the needs elsewhere. The core, the central place of her ministry, of her work is out of her home......

Now, she and her husband will work together, and I realize there are some situations where, for reasons due to break up of homes or whatever, there may not be a man to be a breadwinner or where a woman may not be physically able to minister in these practical ways to her family. But we’re talking about the ideal, about God’s plan, which is that it is an honor and a privilege and a blessing and a high and holy calling for a woman to tend to the practical, physical affairs of her home.

As godly women, we need to recognize the honour and privilege that is ours. And if we are mothers, we are truly working for eternity. The work we do will have eternal significance! That's a daunting and frightening thought in some ways -what a huge responsibility! And yet it is also a rewarding thought.

Often mothers think that because they are not bringing in the paycheque that what they do in the home is not contributing and not worthwhile. I hear so many women who say they just can't wait to go back to work once their kids are in school, because they feel like they have not been useful at home, and that now they can finally contribute to the family.

That just makes me so sad. As women we have a huge responsibility to our families in the home. This contribution is absolutely not worthless, it is truthfully priceless! If you are feeling worthless or down because you don't "add anything" to the family coffers - know this - it is not of God. It is NOT of God.

We need to accept our responsibilities and then perform them to the best of our abilities - with the right motive and the right attitude. Of serving the Lord, of serving our husbands and our children. Of training them up in the way they should go. Of providing a haven for them to come home to.

We absolute need to have our quiet times with God and we need to commit to serving Him with all our hearts. And then that commitment needs to come out in practicality.

And here I have to admit I have a ways to go. I know that I struggle with laziness and simple procrastination. I need to listen to my own teachings to my girls - we do what we need to do before we do what we want to do. I need to stop thinking of all the stuff that needs to be done and just do it. I need to waste far less time on the computer. That's definitely a "want" category. I really need to make a rule for myself that "playtime" on the computer does not happen unless certain tasks are taken care of. So - this will be a major focus for me as I strive, with God's help, to grow as a woman of God.

Lesson 6 is about working joyfully and continues in verse 13 pretty much dealing with one specific word - eager! Verse 13 - She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.

So, we've committed to doing the work. Now, how are we going to do it? With a martyr attitude? Or with joy? Because we have to or because we want to? With resentment or with a servant's heart of love?

No doubt, most of the work in the home is mundane drudgery. That's encouraging eh? If we think of it like that, it will feel like that. We need to refocus, we need to "rephrase" that, we need to look at it through the lens of Colossians 3:17

Colossians 3:17 And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

I am blessed (blog title!) to be a wife, and in particular to be married to Nathan. I am blessed with 4 delightful and healthy children. I am blessed with a beautiful house, a hard-working husband who provides for us, material possessions, a Christian extended (and extended!) family, people who love me. I want to bless my family. I want to bless my husband and my children. And one very important way I can bless them is to work for them. And, in the case of my children, teach them to work as well. To work eagerly, as to the Lord! My work in the home is a gift to my family. A gift given out of the joyfullness of a heart filled with the love of Him who created my hands for such tasks as these.

This following quote just about brought me to tears...

Let me ask you right now to stop and look at your hands. Just look at them. If you’re a Proverbs 31 woman, or becoming one, as we are committed to becoming together, your hands may not be model’s hands. You may not have perfectly manicured nails. But let me ask you this: Are they serving hands? Are they hands that you’re using to bless and to minister in practical ways to the needs of others?

If they are, then though they may not be beautiful hands, they’re hands like the Master’s. See, Christ’s hands were nailed to a cross. He endured that, out of love, out of the heart of a servant, for the sake of the Gospel, for the sake of the plan of redemption.

Can I say that when you serve your family with your hands, when you work with your hands, when you clean and cook, whatever you do with your hands around your home, you’re doing it for the sake of the Gospel. You’re doing it so that your children may know what Jesus looks like, so they may be drawn to Him, so they may want to know Him.

2 Chronicles 15:10 “But you, be strong, and do not let your hands be weak, for your work,” if it’s done as unto the Lord, “will be rewarded!”

It will be.

And all the women said "Amen!"

True Woman Tuesday - Week 1

Welcome to Week 1 of the True Woman study!

The first few weeks of the study are focusing on the Proverbs 31 woman. Isn't this the woman we love to hate? OK, not hate. But, seriously, I've never enjoyed reading this passage. It just seems to point out all my flaws and all the things I'm not doing right as a wife, as a mother, as a woman. This study has already shown me that I've been looking at this the wrong way.

First off, she challenges us to read through this chapter once a day. I haven't done it once per day, but I have read it several times, and I've been reading it in different translations each time, which I've really enjoyed.

Here is the passage in the Contemporary English Version.

Proverbs 31

What King Lemuel's Mother Taught Him

¹These are the sayings that King Lemuel of Massa was taught by his mother.
²My son Lemuel, you were born in answer to my prayers, so listen carefully.
³Don't waste your life chasing after women! This has ruined many kings.
⁴Kings and leaders should not get drunk or even want to drink.
⁵Drinking makes you forget your responsibilities, and you mistreat the poor.
⁶Beer and wine are only for the dying or for those who have lost all hope.
⁷Let them drink and forget how poor and miserable they feel.
⁸But you must defend those who are helpless and have no hope.
⁹Be fair and give justice to the poor and homeless.

In Praise of a Good Wife

¹⁰A truly good wife is the most precious treasure a man can find!
¹¹Her husband depends on her, and she never lets him down.
¹²She is good to him every day of her life,
¹³and with her own hands she gladly makes clothes.
¹⁴She is like a sailing ship that brings food from across the sea.
¹⁵She gets up before daylight to prepare food for her family and for her servants.
¹⁶She knows how to buy land and how to plant a vineyard,
¹⁷and she always works hard.
¹⁸She knows when to buy or sell, and she stays busy until late at night.
¹⁹She spins her own cloth,
²⁰and she helps the poor and the needy.
²¹Her family has warm clothing, and so she doesn't worry when it snows.
²²She does her own sewing, and everything she wears is beautiful.
²³Her husband is a well-known and respected leader in the city.
²⁴She makes clothes to sell to the shop owners.
²⁵She is strong and graceful, as well as cheerful about the future.
²⁶Her words are sensible, and her advice is thoughtful.
²⁷She takes good care of her family and is never lazy.
²⁸Her children praise her, and with great pride her husband says,
²⁹"There are many good women, but you are the best!"
³⁰Charm can be deceiving, and beauty fades away, but a woman who honors the LORD deserves to be praised.
³¹Show her respect-- praise her in public for what she has done.

I love that this passage begins with instructions from a mother to her son on what to look for in a wife. We have already started talking to our girls about how important a decision it to decide who you're going to marry, and what kind of person they should look for.

First of all - this passage describes a woman. This particular woman is a wife, and a mother, but first and foremost she is a woman after God's own heart. So, this passage is not just for moms or wives - it's for all women.

From lesson #1...

what does it look like to say, “I’m a believer in Christ; I’m a follower of Christ; I believe the gospel”? How does that affect the way that I view all of life? How does that affect the way that I respond to pressure? How does that affect the way I treat my children or my husband? How does that affect the job that I have or don’t have?

How do I make decisions? What do I give? What do I save? In my financial habits, in my moral habits, in my TV-viewing habits, in my use of my computer, in my friendships, in my use of free time . . . I mean, just diet and exercise! How does my relationship with Christ inform and affect and impact every single area of my life? Because if Christ lives in me (and if I’m a child of God, He does; His Holy Spirit does live in me), then He’s supposed to be in control of every area of my life.

People shouldn’t be seeing and experiencing (insert your own name here). They ought to be seeing and experiencing Jesus Christ

Have I given complete control of every area to God? Have I made Him my Lord or is He "just" my Saviour. Our relationship with Jesus only begins when we invite Him into our hearts as our Saviour. In order for Him to be our Friend, we need to get to know Him better - through His Word, through prayer, and through fellowship with other believers. In order for Him to be our Lord, we need to relinquish control of our lives to Him. This is hard to do sometimes, and truly is an ongoing, daily thing.

Lesson 2 speaks about this passage being like an ideal portrait of womanhood. THIS is what we need to strive for - not the portrait that the world has painted. Not the women in the magazines or on TV. We need to stop society from dictating to us what and who we are to be, what we are to do, whether we are to stay at home or whether we are to go to work or some combination of the two. We need to look to God's word and focus on that ideal, not the world's ideal. And the two will be different. In fact, if they are not different - something is wrong with how we're interpreting the Bible.

Here's another quote that really struck me....

She’s a woman in process. She’s a woman who’s growing. And she’s a woman who, like most of us, often finds herself taking three steps forward and two steps back. You see, spiritual maturity is not so much where you are as the direction in which you’re headed. And here’s a woman who’s in process; she’s in direction.

Now, no woman can be like this ideal Proverbs 31 woman. At least, not on our own....

Anything we do try to do on our own in our striving and efforts is not pleasing or acceptable to God. The only way we can ever please God is through the righteousness of Christ, through His excellency. He’s the only One who has ever measured up to God’s standard of holiness. So here’s the first statement: No woman can be like this woman on her own.

But here’s another statement that sounds like the opposite, and it’s just as true. Any woman who is a child of God can be like this woman. Any woman who is a child of God can be like this woman because Jesus lives in us, and He’s the One who fulfills the righteousness of God. So as we’re filled with the Holy Spirit, you and I can be a virtuous and excellent woman.

Our first priority needs to be pleasing the Lord. Truly, everything else flows from that one decision.

Our next priority needs to be showing the love of God to those around us - our husbands, our children and others.

And really - that sums up the greatest commandments......

"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." Matthew 22: 36 - 40

And, a third bottom line is....

Then she’s a woman who has a servant’s heart. That strikes me as I read this passage, that she’s utterly selfless. There are hardly any references to her doing anything for herself. Now our culture would tell us that makes a miserable woman. But I just read that passage. Does that sound like a miserable woman to you?

Here’s a woman who has joy. You see the world has sold us a bill of goods. It has told us that if you look out for yourself then you’ll be happy. But look at all those women out there looking out for themselves. Are they happy? It’s the women who live for God and others, who serve, who are the women who are truly joyful.

Again, this is not something that can be done in our strength. But if we rely on God, and take it one day at a time, one step at a time, sometimes even one moment at a time - He will transform us. He's promised to do so.

"Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6

"I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13


In Lesson #3 we start focusing on verse 10: A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.

A virtuous woman (KJV), a wife of noble character (NIV), a virtuous and capable wife (NLT), a virtuous wife (NKJ), a noble wife (NIRV). The word virtuous is apparently hard to translate from the original Hebrew. It means a woman of strong character, a woman of valour.

Strength of character is what produces the other strengths, everything flows from a strong character rooted in a heart that yearns to please God.

Again, we need to work on becoming this type of woman. And when (not if!) we fail, we need to pick ourselves us, repent, and push on.

One huge admonishment in this lesson was that the way we live greatly impacts the kind of man our husband will become. If we want our husbands to be men of integrity, a men of virtue, noble men, men after God's own heart - we don't need to try to change them, we don't need to tell them how they need to improve, we don't need to nag or beg or chastise. We need to model it. We need to bless our husbands and bring out the best in them. We need to allow God to mold us into His image.

Of course, men are responsible for their own actions, not us. But we most definitely are responsible for our actions. Being this type of influence on our husbands, impacting them in this way - that is a gift for our husbands. Worth more than diamonds or rubies.

your worth is not found in what others think of you. It’s not found in what your husband thinks of you or what others say about you, but your true worth and your true value are found in your inner character and walk with God.

If you have joined this study, please post your thoughts and share them with us so we can learn from each other and support each other. If you're just wanting to join now, you can catch up by reading the links above, and then sign up so you can start receiving the emails and join us next Tuesday for Week 2.