Monday, 5 April 2010

13 Things to Look for when Choosing a Husband - Part 1

My friend Pam recently created an incredible birthday book for her firstborn's 13th birthday. It's a book of wishes, prayers, advice, etc, from meaningful people in her life that her daughter can look to, especially during the turbulant teen years. A book that will remind her of all the people who care about her, and have invested in her life. A book of advice, a book of humour, a book of memories, a book of encouragement. I think this is just such a fabulous idea. Her daughter brought it to church this past Sunday and I got a little peak at the finished product and it turned out absolutely amazing! I think I may be copying this idea for my own kids.

Anyway, now that the book is no longer a surprise, I'm going to post my submission to this wonderful project. It turned out to be pretty long, so I think I'll break this down into 3 posts and post one every Monday for the next 3 weeks. Obviously this is not an exhaustive list, as there are definitely more than 13 things to consider in a husband, but I dare to say, if he fits the bill for all 13 on the list, things are certainly headed in the right direction.

So, without further ado, may I present.....

13 Things to Look for When Choosing Your Future Husband

Happy 13th birthday Kiandra! I am honoured that your parents asked me to contribute to this special book. They love you so much and I know you will treasure this gift forever.

Nathan and I happen to be married for 13 years now, and I thought I would share with you 13 things to look for in choosing your future husband. Other than your choice to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, choosing your husband is the most important decision you will ever make. With that in mind, only date someone you would seriously consider marrying. The purpose of dating is to find a suitable husband. “Falling in love” causes you to ignore red flags, to ignore advice from concerned family and friends, and to excuse inappropriate behavior because you are looking through rose-coloured glasses. Keeping things at a friendship level is vitally important until you are sure he possesses all the qualities you are looking for. With that in mind, here are 13 things to look for in a future husband…

1) He must be passionate about continuing to grow in his personal relationship with Jesus. Do not assume that just because he goes to church that he is a Christian. Do not assume that because he is a Christian that he is committed to continuing to grow in his faith. The only way you can discern this is by getting to know him on a friendship level, watching how he interacts with those around him (especially his family – as we are most ourselves in front of the people who know us best), listening to the advice of your parents and other wise (older) friends and family and other people whose opinion you respect (youth leader, pastor, etc). The Bible is clear that we should not be unequally yoked with unbelievers – choosing to do so will only result in heartache. He needs to be passionate about his relationship with God, willing to challenge you to grow in your own faith, and to be the spiritual leader of your home. This does not mean that he has to be outgoing. But he cannot use a shy personality as an excuse not to lead.

2) Make sure your parents approve of your choice. I know that sounds old fashioned. But your parents are wise people. They love you more than anyone else in the world does, and they have loved you before you were even born. They have prayed for you and your future spouse, they have poured into your life and invested in you like no one else has. No other people in this world want you to succeed in life and to have a godly and fulfilling marriage more than your parents do. They are older and wiser than you and will be able to see red flags much easier than you will be able to. Respect your parents and seek their blessing in your choice of a marriage partner.

3) A sense of humour goes a long way baby! Though this isn’t necessarily a high priority and is really more of a personal preference, having a sense of humour certainly makes life easier and a lot more fun! Marriage is not always easy, life is not always easy. Being able to look at things with a sense of humour, being able to laugh at yourself, being able to joke around together and have fun together is important. Sometimes there’s nothing to do but laugh or cry – and laughing is so much more fun! Of course, there is a line here as well – the sense of humour should not be at someone else’s expense. People can hide a lot of insecurities by insulting other people and masking it in a joke. Virtually everyone makes fun of other people at some point – but it should never be cruel or crude. An appropriate sense of humour is a great asset in a future husband!

4) He needs to be respectful. You can tell a lot about someone by the way they treat others – especially their family and their elders. I mentioned this in a previous point, but people are the most themselves around their family or other people who know them best. They have nothing to hide – these people know their every character flaw. It is especially important to see how he treats his mother, as this is a pretty good indicator of how he will treat you. He needs to have respect for all people – no matter their gender, race, social status, age or anything else. He needs to see all people as the image bearers of God that they are and treat them that way.

There ya have it - the first 4 things on my list of 13 to look for when choosing your future husband. Stay tuned for Part 2 next Monday.


Kristi Lea said...

What a wonderful thing that you got to be a part of! I love all of your points so far. We want the same things for our children when they look for a spouse. We want them to know what to look for, and to just how important finding the right person is!

I am very gratefull for my husbands sense of humor. I may not care for it at times, but I really couldn't survive without it, I don't think!

Elisa Rush said...

I love this idea for a gift! In our culture, we do so many "gestures" to show our love and it's nice to see one that is bursting with meaning instead of one that is symbolic of the meaning... if that made any sense. ;)

And your message to the young lady is spot on. I pray that you influence all young people in your life towards such wise, godly behavior.

TammyIsBlessed said...

Kristi - I too am very greatful for my husband's sense of humour, thought it does drive me crazy sometimes! But we really have so many wonderful memories of laughing together and having fun together. And who better to have fun with than your spouse right?!

Thanks Elisha. I thought this was such an amazingly meaningful gift idea - you made perfect sense :)

TammyIsBlessed said...

Oops, that's grateful, not greatful :)

Claire said...

What a lovely idea! And what brilliant advice!


Muhammad imran said...

Happy birthday Husband


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