If you haven't already, please read Part 1 and Part 2 of this 3-part series - 13 Things to Look for When Choosing Your Future Husband.
Here are the last 4 things on my list....
10) He needs to be able to communicate and he needs to be honest. Men, stereotypically, are not as good at communicating as women. But they can communicate and they need to know how to. You want to marry a man who is able to verbalize his wants and expectations. He needs to be able to hear your wants and expectations. And then you both need to be able to come to a compromise if those wants and expectations are different. Compromise does not mean one person has to give in. Often true compromise is both people giving slightly and meeting in the middle. Sometimes one person has to give in entirely, but it should not be that way very often, and when it is, it should not always be the same person doing the giving in. Both of you will be coming into the marriage with different backgrounds and therefore, different expectations. This is ok as long as you are both able to communicate your expectations honestly and then adjust them accordingly to make your relationship work for you. Honesty is always the best policy. You cannot trust someone who is dishonest. Be honest about your expectations. You cannot read each other’s minds and you can only work with what you know. Being shy and not talking are two different things. Even shy people are able to talk to those they are close to. It is essential that he is able to honestly communicate with you.
11) He needs to have a good work ethic. You want to marry a man who will be willing to work hard to provide for you. It doesn’t particularly matter what type of job he has (as long as it’s ethical of course!), it matters that he is self-motivated and a hard worker. This is especially true if you are desiring to be a stay at home mom when you have children. Again, this doesn’t mean that he has to have a high paying job, but that he is not going to shirk his responsibilities, and that he will work hard to provide for you and your children.
12) He need to be self-controlled. Self-control is important for so many things – managing anger, avoiding addictive behaviours and especially overcoming temptation in regards to sexual purity. You both need to determine ahead of time where to draw the line in regards to sexual purity. If he does not respect and value you enough to do this, then you deserve someone better. If sexual purity in regards to pornography is a struggle for him, he needs to be willing to have an accountability partner to help him fight this temptation – that is not something he will be able to do alone. You don’t need to find someone who is never tempted, you need to find someone who chooses to do the right thing despite the temptation.
13) He needs to be the man God wants for you. There are so many more qualities I could list, but the most important thing is to be willing to wait for the man God has for you. You are far better off waiting for the right man, no matter how long that takes, than marrying the first guy that comes along and being miserable for the rest of your life. And sometimes it’s not that there is anything wrong with a particular guy, but he still may not be the one God intends for you to be with. For ex – if you feel called to the mission field, and the man you want to marry is not, then that is not the man God wants for you. Waiting for God’s timing can be difficult, but it is always worth it!
Kiandra, my prayer for you is that you will continue to grow into a woman after God’s own heart. I pray that you will seek God when determining who your future husband will be and that you will have the patience to wait for His timing. Keep in mind, that even if you marry the one that God has for you, marriage is not always easy. The first year or so is often the most difficult as you are getting used to living with someone else 24/7, sorting through your different expectations of how your household should run, and just figuring out how the whole marriage thing works. A good marriage does take effort. But that effort is so worth it! If you are both focused on God, if you are focused on serving Him through your marriage, if you are focused on serving each other – your marriage will be blessed more than you could ask or imagine!
I have one last suggestion – pray for your future husband now already. Pray that God will mold him into the man he wants him to be. Pray that God will put people in his life to draw him to Jesus and to strengthen his relationship with God. Pray for his parents. Pray for his friends and for his teachers. Pray for him. Through the amazing power of prayer, you can bless his life before you even meet him. What a priviledge!
So, that concludes my 3-part series "13 Things to Look for When Choosing your Future Husband". Any big ones you think I left out? I know I didn't cover everything, but if there's a major one I missed, I'd love to hear it. What are your thoughts?