Monday, 12 April 2010

13 Things to Look for when Choosing a Husband - Part 2

If you missed my first post on this subject, please read Part 1 of this three-part series first.

Here are the next five things on my list of things to look for when choosing your future husband....

5) He needs to handle anger and disagreements appropriately. Everyone gets angry at some point. But we need to be slow to anger - having a quick and fiery temper can be a recipe for trouble. The emotion of anger is not necessarily a sin. What we do with that anger is also important. Does he last out in hurtful words? Does he become violent in any way? Does he simply not deal with his anger at all? Does he withdraw or bottle up his anger? All of those are major red flags! Rather he should try to calmly talk it through, he should pray for the person/situation. He should try to resolve the situation and seek a solution to the problem. He should be willing to compromise his own desires in order to resolve issues, but he should not be willing to compromise his values or beliefs.

6) He needs to take responsibility for his own actions. Everyone makes mistakes. An immature and selfish man will tend to blame someone else for his mistakes and avoid taking ownership of his choices. A mature man, a man you want to be married to, will be able to admit when he has done wrong, take personal responsibility for his wrong choice, ask for forgiveness and make restitution when necessary.

7) He needs to have a servant heart in order to be a servant leader. Marriage is a big adjustment. You can no longer make decisions based on what is best for you alone, you now have to make decisions based on what is best for both of you. And nothing reveals selfishness more than having children! The man you choose to marry needs to have a servant heart. He needs to be able to set aside his own desires if that is what’s best for his family. You want a man who will want to do whatever he can for you out of love for you. How can you tell before you marry him if he will have this servant heart? By observing how he is with other people. He should be empathetic towards people and their troubles, willing to offer a helping hand when he can. He should be generous with his time and money. In short, he needs to be unselfish, willing to put other’s needs ahead of his own.

8) He needs to have things in common with you. The saying opposites attract is not always true. It depends what you’re opposite about! This doesn’t mean that you need to enjoy all the same hobbies – but you need to be ok with the ones he has, because that’s not going to change when you get married. It’s ok for married couples to do some things separately, but more often than not, you want to do things together. This also doesn’t mean that you have to have the same views on everything – but you definitely need to agree on your core values and beliefs and any other issues you consider to be major ones.

9) He needs to be willing to change, but you cannot expect him to change. Everyone has weaknesses and you can’t expect him to be perfect. You have to decide if his weaknesses are ones you’re willing to live with forever. Yes, he could change, and he should change if he is desiring to grow in his walk with God. But you cannot marry someone with the expectation that he will change a specific weakness or character flaw after you get married. Marriage never solves problems – in fact it usually makes the problems worse. And becoming parents makes the problems worse yet. He does need to be willing to change. Similar to #8 – he needs to recognize his own flaws, be willing to take responsibility for them, and then be willing to do the work necessary to change them. However, you cannot make him change and there’s no guarantee that he will.

Stay tuned next week for the conclusion to this 3-part series. (And, yes, I know I'll be in Orlando next Monday - gotta love scheduled posting capabilities!)

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